When I had decided that I would not be coming back to school after Christmas break, I had NO idea that I was going to be reunited with Hubs. If I had, I am sure that I would have decided differently! Even though I didn't like going to school there after all, and I couldn't really afford to continue going there, getting to see Hubs all the time would have been well worth it!
However, I had already decided to move back home (although while I was away, my parents had moved back to the town I grew up in) and get a job, as I didn't feel that this college thing was for me. I was now on much better terms with my parents, and I missed my family terribly. Living ten hours away from them had gotten old fast.
So, I told Hubs that I was going to be leaving Virginia shortly, and that I would not be coming back. We agreed that we didn't really know where this was going to go, but that we would just enjoy the ride.
During those two weeks, I got to know Hubs in a totally different way. When I had known him before, he was not a Christian. Sure, he went to the same Bible study as I did, but that was all. Now, he had committed his life to the Lord, and was following Him with his whole heart.
I could see the change in him, and I liked what I saw.
He took me to his church, and introduced me to his friends. I got to know his family. Hubs and I spent every spare minute that we could together. He would drive almost an hour, each way, just so he could see me.
I really grew to love Hubs (well, as much as one can in two weeks time!) and decided that I would tell him that.
He had decided that he would come and visit me and my family over some of the Christmas break, and stay until after the new year.
As we were saying goodbye for the last time in Virginia, I hugged him, and I said those three words that are the scariest words in the English language to say to someone. I said, "I love you".
Do you know what Hubs said to me?
Absolutely nothing.
Nothing! I was NOT expecting that! I seriously thought that he was feeling the same way. I thought that he would say, "I love you too", and we would both feel all mushy gushy and lovey-dovey towards each other.
Instead, there was a long pause, where the only sound I could hear was the wild beating of my own heart.
Can you say, awkward?
Well, after that, I really had no idea what to expect from this so-called "relationship" that I thought we were in. I fought back tears, and told him goodbye. I was mentally kicking myself. I had just said "I love you" to a person who did not say it back! Why, oh WHY did I think I should say it first? I should have waited for him to say it to me! That would have been a sure thing.
I was sure that I had just ruined everything by saying I love you too soon. He was probably headed for the hills, and I would never hear from him again.
Yes, I realize that it may have been a tad bit early in our relationship to say I love you, but I am not a person that likes to beat around the bush. I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve, and I really thought I was getting all the right vibes that he just might love me too.
I packed my stuff, and headed for home.
I was now pretty sure that either:
1. He wanted to take it s-l-o-w
2. He wanted to be "just friends"
If option #2 was more what he had in mind, I wasn't sure that I would be able to do it.
This was one guy I didn't want as just a friend...
I never had one of those moments. Mainly because I was shy and could never have said it. I don't know how I would have handled no response!
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